Start with one opening, one request and a way to pause. For example: “Could we check the deadline?” “Would Friday work instead?” “I need a moment to think about that.” Read the lines quietly, change anything that does not sound like you, and try them aloud only if useful.

These examples are for preparing words, not predicting a whole conversation. You do not need to feel calm, make eye contact or memorise a performance before using them. They are not a treatment plan for social anxiety or a promise that practice will remove it.

A short preparation sheet

Write four things in a note:

My purpose: What do I want to ask, explain or decide?
My opening: One sentence that introduces it.
My request: The specific information or action I need.
My pause: What I can say if I need time or want to stop.

For a deadline discussion: “I need to discuss the report deadline. Can we move it to Friday? If that is not possible, which part should I prioritise? I need to check before I agree to another date.” You can bring the note, read from it or use it to write a message instead.

Example 1: ask for help at work

You: “Could you help me check the next step on this task?”

If they ask what you need: “I understand the first part. Could you show me one example of the finished version?”

If they are busy: “When would be a suitable time, or is there someone else I should ask?”

If the explanation is hard to follow: “Could you send the steps in writing so I can refer back to them?”

Choose the branch that fits the actual reply. You do not need to rehearse all of them. For more detail, see asking for help and written instructions at work.

Example 2: decline an invitation

You: “Thank you for inviting me. I can’t make it this time.”

If they suggest another date: “I don’t want to commit to another date yet.”

If they ask again: “I understand you’d like me there. My answer is still no.”

You can offer another plan if you want one, but you do not need to add a promise just to soften the refusal. See short saying-no scripts or responding to pushback.

Want to feel more prepared before conversations? tonen can help.

tonen offers conversation scripts, Reply Helper, Perspective Helper, Debrief, Phone Call Mode and Calm Kit. Start with 21 free scripts on iPhone. Optional Premium unlocks more features.

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Example 3: join a conversation

You: “Is it okay if I join you?”

If they welcome you: “What were you talking about?”

If you do not know the subject: “I don’t know much about that. What got you interested in it?”

If you want to leave: “I’m going to head off now. Thanks for chatting.”

Only ask a follow-up if you want to hear the answer. Silence, a short exchange or choosing not to join are possible outcomes too; this is not a test of how long you can keep talking.

Example 4: ask what someone meant

You: “When you said the plan was ‘interesting’, did you mean you had a concern about it?”

If they explain: “Thanks for clarifying. Let me think about that.”

If their answer is still unclear: “Could you give me a specific example?”

If you need a pause: “I want to consider this before I respond. Can we return to it later?”

Keep the question about what was said rather than assuming a hidden motive. Our neutral clarification guide has more wording options.

Rehearse one part, then choose a next step

Pick one example and change the details. Read it once to check that the request is clear and any promise is one you mean to keep. If speaking aloud is useful, try it; writing, reading silently or rehearsing with a trusted person are options too.

If someone helps you practise, agree the scope first: “Could you read this reply once? I’m checking whether my request makes sense, not looking for feedback on my eye contact or voice.” They do not need to invent an increasingly difficult interaction.

Choose a stopping point rather than trying to prepare for every possible answer. Your next step might be sending the message, keeping the note for a meeting, asking for more information or deciding to wait. Rehearsing is optional; you can communicate without completing a routine.

If you want to plan beyond one exchange, the social-confidence guide also looks at preparing a small script toolkit, choosing an exit line and making room for sensory needs. Keep the parts that fit your own goal.

If the conversation goes differently

Return to the purpose rather than the exact script: “The main thing I need to know is the deadline.” If you lose your place, say “Let me check my note” or “Could you repeat the question?” You can ask to continue in writing when that suits the situation.

No script guarantees a helpful response. If a conversation becomes unsafe, focus on leaving or getting support rather than delivering the next line. If you are changing an existing agreement, acknowledge the practical consequences rather than treating a prepared refusal as cancelling your responsibilities.

Two more openings to adapt

For a boundary during focused work: “I’m focusing on this task now. Please send the question in a message.” For a difficult topic: “I want to talk about something that has been on my mind. Is now a workable time?” Neither opening guarantees agreement. You can pause with “I need to step away for now.”

Preparing with tonen

In tonen, preparation means reading scripts and example conversations, comparing wording and choosing what to use. It is self-guided: the app does not play the other person, score your speaking or predict their reply. See how preparation with tonen works and conversation script options.

The examples on this page were written for the guide; they are not a claim that each exact exchange is included in the app. You can use the preparation sheet without downloading anything.