Social skills activities for teens, on their terms

Useful communication practice starts with a goal the teen actually wants. That might be joining a hobby group, asking for help, replying to a message or saying no. It does not need to mean becoming more outgoing or copying a particular social style.

The activities below are options for families, educators and teens to adapt together. Participation, observation, writing and taking a break should all be available. Do not require eye contact, physical touch or personal disclosure. The National Autistic Society's communication guidance emphasises individual preferences and shared effort in making communication work.

1. Rehearse a situation the teen chooses

Pick one ordinary situation, such as declining an invitation. Offer a starting line: “Thanks for asking. I can't come this time.”

The teen can read it, change it, type it or ask you to demonstrate first. Agree a stop signal before starting. Afterwards, ask “Was any part useful?” rather than grading whether the performance looked natural.

2. Make something together

Choose a shared activity with a visible result: building a model, planning a game map or preparing a snack. Offer roles rather than assigning them based on who is usually quiet or confident.

Practise practical requests such as “Could you pass that?” or “I need a different role.” Avoid activities that require unwanted touch. Working beside someone can be enough; conversation does not need to continue throughout.

3. Hold an interest-based conversation

Let participants choose a topic they care about. Make room for detailed knowledge, questions, pauses and written contributions.

A useful opener is “What do you like about that?” A useful exit is “I'm going to take a break now.” Agree how turns will work, but do not treat a different speaking rhythm as misbehaviour.

4. Practise asking for help with a disagreement

Use an invented, low-stakes example: two people want different activities. Each can describe a preference and suggest an option.

“Could we take turns choosing?” or “I want help working this out” are both useful responses. Do not use peer mediation for bullying, threats or situations with a power imbalance. Those require an appropriate adult response, not pressure on a teen to negotiate their own safety.

5. Draft a message without sending it

Choose an invented message and write two possible replies. For example: “Are we still meeting?” could receive “Yes, at 4 pm by the library” or “I can't make it today. Could we choose another time?”

Discuss what each reply communicates. Do not open someone else's private messages or require real conversations to be shared. A short reply does not prove a mood or intention.

6. Explore different interpretations

Use a fictional scene and ask: “What are some possible reasons this happened?” Include “We don't know” as a valid answer.

Then ask what information would help. For example: “Did you want me to come with you, or were you just letting me know?” The aim is curiosity and clarification, not teaching a universal code for reading faces or voices.

7. Share something in a preferred format

A teen might present a favourite object, make a short video, show a drawing, write a paragraph or talk with one trusted person. Let them choose the audience and format.

Ask beforehand whether they want questions or feedback. Avoid surprise presentations and rankings. They can decide the activity is complete without repeating it until they appear confident.

8. Practise boundaries

Try short lines: “No, thank you,” “Please stop,” “I don't want to explain,” or “I need time to decide.”

The adult's response matters. Accept the practice boundary instead of turning it into an argument to overcome. A refusal is successful communication even when it is quiet, typed or imperfectly phrased.

Review what helped

Ask whether the activity felt useful, tiring, uncomfortable or enjoyable. Use that answer to change the next activity or stop. Do not make every social interaction an exercise to analyse afterwards.

A note with an opening line, an ask-for-help line and an exit line may be more useful than a long programme. See social script examples for wording to adapt.

tonen provides scripts and conversation support, with 21 free scripts on iOS and optional Premium. AI suggestions need checking and cannot establish another person's intentions. Teens should use tools in ways appropriate to their age, privacy and support needs, without being required to submit personal conversations.

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