Making friends can involve finding people you enjoy being around, trying an invitation and seeing whether interest is shared. There is no number of friends you are supposed to have, and a conversation does not have to become a friendship to be worthwhile.
These examples are for students to adapt. They are not a programme with targets, a promise of better grades or proof that a particular app reduces anxiety.
Look for an activity you actually want to try
A club, class project, game or other shared activity can give you something to talk about. It is still worth checking what the setting is like rather than assuming a particular club will be quiet or comfortable.
You could ask a teacher or organiser:
“Can I try one meeting before deciding whether to join?”
“What usually happens, and how many people come?”
“Is it okay to watch first or take a break?”
Choose interests and settings that fit you. You do not have to join a club, take up a hobby you dislike or change your personality to deserve friendship. Our neurodivergence overview is background information, not a checklist of how you should socialise.
Try an opening that fits the moment
You can ask a question, make a comment or use writing if that is how you communicate. There is no required expression, eye contact or tone to perform.
| Situation | An opening you could adapt |
|---|---|
| At a club | “Is there space for me to join this game?” |
| After class | “Which question are we meant to finish for tomorrow?” |
| Working on a project | “Would you like to compare ideas for this part?” |
| Talking about an interest | “Have you read the next book in that series?” |
| Asking to sit nearby | “Is this seat free?” |
Our conversation starters for introverts offer more examples. Use a line only if it sounds useful to you. A short answer is not proof that you did something wrong, and it is also not an invitation to keep asking until someone talks more.
Notice whether interest is shared
Allow the other person to answer, ask questions or choose a different activity. You can share something about yourself without disclosing private details before you want to.
If you enjoyed talking, you might make a specific, easy-to-decline invitation:
“Would you like to work on the project together at lunch?”
“I'm going to the games club on Thursday. Do you want to join?”
“Would you like to sit together next lesson?”
Accept a no or lack of interest. You can say, “Okay, no problem,” and give the person space. You do not have to find a reassuring explanation for their answer or assume that it reveals their private feelings.
Friendship involves choices on both sides. Gifts, favours, constant replies or repeated invitations do not entitle either person to the other's time. You can like someone and still have limits about what you share or agree to do.
Keep the connection at a pace that works for both of you
You might say hello at the next club meeting, ask about something you discussed or suggest another activity. You do not need a fixed weekly schedule or a score for how many people you speak to.
Remember a topic: “How did the match go?”
Offer another plan: “I can't stay after school. Would lunchtime work instead?”
Be clear about replies: “I don't always check messages in the evening. I'll answer when I can.”
Our teen activity guide and ADHD friendship guide are related reading, not requirements or explanations of your own experience.
Ask for space or support
You can take a break from a conversation or ask a trusted adult about a quieter place at school. Follow your school's arrangements for leaving class or supervised activities; ask for help if you need a change.
“I need a quiet break. Who should I speak to about where I can go?”
“I'm finding lunch difficult. Could you help me think about another place or activity?”
Our emotional-support guide has optional ways to describe what you need. You do not have to finish an exercise, feel calm or rehearse aloud before asking for help.
Being bullied, threatened or pressured is not a friendship problem you have to solve with better small talk. Tell an adult you trust, such as a teacher, school counsellor or parent. Childline's bullying guidance describes support options. It is okay to ask for help even if you do not know what to call what happened.
For parents and supporters
Ask what the young person wants: company, help finding an activity, practical support or simply someone to listen. Do not turn friendships into compulsory practice or take over invitations without discussing it with them.
Childline's friendship guide offers further advice for young people. These examples were written by the tonen team. You can use them with paper, an ordinary note or your usual communication support; no app or subscription is needed.